Away with the manger

This sketch is particularly suited to the Christmas season, pointing out how the central character of the nativity is often relegated to a merely supporting role. The two speaking parts (ISAACS and BAILEY) represent the popular media. The sketch is suitable for a teenage / adult audience. Care should be taken to ensure that the audience is not expecting to see a traditional nativity play, as they may be led to believe by the opening scene.

Only two speaking parts have been scripted, so as to allow the smallest of drama groups to feel they can attempt this sketch. Supporting cast need little acting experience and can be co-opted for the occasion. The rhyming is important - and not as easy as it may at first appear.

SCENE: Mary and Joseph, seated on straw bales, watch over the baby Jesus. The baby is amidst straw in a free-standing box-like manger. Little other scenery except to create "typical nativity effect".

COSTUME: As for nativity scene - except ISAACS and BAILEY are in modern garb; the former with a notepad, the latter strewn with cameras and associated paraphernalia.

To the audience as much as to Mary and Joseph ISAACS	Good evening, I'm Isaacs
BAILEY	How d'you do? The name's Bailey
ISAACS	From your local newspaper -
BAILEY	"The Daily Israeli"
As if quoting publicity blurb ISAACS	"The people's parchment ...
Taking up the quotation BAILEY	with all of the news ...
ISAACS	for all of the people."
Aside BAILEY	That's "all of the Jews."
ISAACS	We heard half a rumour and wondered if maybe ... we could make it a story?
BAILEY	With shots of the baby.
ISAACS	Might make the stop-press, we could give it a spin ...
Suggesting a headline BAILEY	"Late, late arrival out at the inn."
ISAACS	A heading,
BAILEY	A picture, with your permission,
Suggesting alternative headline ISAACS	"Mother and baby in stable condition."
Ushers Mary and Joseph to side of stage BAILEY	So let's keep it simple; just the kid in the shot.
ISAACS	"The babe in the manger." They'll love it ... a lot!
Moves to the manger to prepare for the shot BAILEY	Who's a coochy-coochy-coo?
To Mary ISAACS	Can you get it to smile?
Hesitates over name BAILEY	Maybe...
Glancing at notepad ISAACS	Mary
BAILEY	... the mother, could sit with the child?
To Mary, being helpful ISAACS	Look loving,
Looking through view-finder, fiddling with camera BAILEY	Look homely ...Look down a bit
To Mary.. then to Bailey ISAACS	To the right. Is that any better?
BAILEY	Yeah ... except for the light.
Noticing Joseph ISAACS	What about you?
BAILEY	Who?
Joseph is mildly surprised but just as compliant as Mary. ISAACS	Joseph, the dad
BAILEY	Stand there behind ...
Reminding him again. ISAACS	Mary!
BAILEY	Look down at the lad. Now put your arm gently around your wife's shoulder.
As Isaacs helps position Joseph, he notices the ox. ISAACS	Silent but strong - that's how you'll come over, like the ox at the back
BAILEY	Hey! We must have that creature!
ISAACS	But it's covered in muck!
BAILEY	So ... we'll make it a feature.
ISAACS	Could we not clean it up?
In disbelief BAILEY	You mean, just for one shot?
ISAACS	I'd feel a lot happier.
Conceding BAILEY	I don't see why not.
ISAACS	Hey! There's even a donkey back here on the ground!
BAILEY	Could you pull it in closer?
Sarcastic ISAACS	D'you want the ox to look round?
BAILEY	Looks better all the time ...
A few tentative shepherds enter.
ISAACS	It's certainly fuller.
BAILEY	What it needs now is a touch of local colour
To the shepherds ISAACS	Hey! What about you guys?
Enthusiastic BAILEY	Bring the sheep, too!
ISAACS	Though it's getting to look a bit like a zoo.
Directing shepherds BAILEY	Crouch on the floor there.
ISAACS	Mind that ox-muck! Never mind.
Resenting the interruption BAILEY	Just stay kneeling right there.
ISAACS	Out of sight, out of mind.
Things now begin to get a little out of hand as more and more people come onstage to be included in the shot. The pace gradually quickens.
BAILEY	That's everybody in ...
ISAACS	Except these three kings. The gifts and the robe, the crowns and the rings would just add some glamour ...
With abandon BAILEY	Squeeze in at the side!
A little more cautious ISAACS	But could you perhaps leave the camel outside?
BAILEY	Hey, Isaacs! Look up! What is it? A ghost?!
ISAACS	You fool! It's an angel ... and a heavenly host.
To angel BAILEY	Excuse me, er ... sir, could you stay there and hover? A little to the right, if it's not too much bother.
Some children enter, dressed in carol-singing garb, complete with old-time lanterns, etc. ISAACS	' Course, we gotta have children ...
BAILEY	Singing carols ...
ISAACS	Lamps bobbing ...
Enter Santa BAILEY	And Santa ...
See what you can do! ISAACS	And reindeer ...
Assembled company all launch handfuls of "snow" into the air. BAILEY	Some snow ...
ISAACS	And a robin.
It may be possible to rig up a slightly larger-than-life plastic robin in flight - or something equally incongruous. Mary and Joseph are a little overwhelmed by it all, as are the kings and shepherds. The children are all keen to have their picture taken. Santa is ho-ho-ho-ing. General confusion. Mary and Joseph almost hidden. The manger is still forward and central.
BAILEY	Look, I know I'm a nuisance, but it's masking the ox, Could somebody shift that dirty old box?
Explaining ... ISAACS	Yeah, in the middle of the scene it's a bit of a danger
BAILEY	A fire risk!
ISAACS	A hazard!
BOTH	Away with the manger!
Two shepherds dutifully remove the manger to the side of the stage. There is a brief pause.
Looking through view-finder. BAILEY	Good.
To crowd, knowingly. ISAACS	Relax for a second.
BAILEY	Be there in a while ... Now... closer together ... and, all at once ...
BOTH	Smile!
The camera-flash goes off. No movement. No noise. A pause. The baby cries. All heads turn to look at the manger and the child. Realisation.
- END -