 |
 |
Elijah and the raven |
|
|
 |
||||
 |
ELIJAH, dressed in a rough tunic, sits with head in hands by the side of a brook (1 Kings 17 v 1-6)
Enter the RAVEN. He is dressed in a ridiculous bird-costume - made of black plastic bin-liners with gaudy yellow tights and large orange feet. He wears a large cardboard "beak". He looks a bit disgusted with himself, conscious of his own silly appearance.
|
|
||
| Flapping his wings half-heartedly. RAVEN | Flutter, flutter ... flutter, flutter. The things I do for a speaking part. | |
| ELIJAH does not notice the RAVEN, or if he has, does not acknowledge it. | ||
| To audience, removing beak. RAVEN | Excuse me, but this gets right up my nose. Ahem! Are you from round these parts? | |
| ELIJAH | No, I'm a Tishbite. | |
| RAVEN | Bless you! | |
| ELIJAH | No ... I said, "I'm a Tishbite". | |
| RAVEN | Bless you! | |
| Getting exasperated. ELIJAH | I'm Elijah - the Tishbite. | |
| Sheepishly. RAVEN | Oh .. I see ... Sorry. So it's you! Tell me, what are you doing out here? | |
| Disconsolate. ELIJAH | Hiding. | |
| RAVEN | Mind if I ask why? | |
| ELIJAH | Well ... I'm a prophet, you see ... and the Lord told me to go to King Ahab. | |
| RAVEN | What did you say? | |
| ELIJAH | I said I'd rather not go ... 'cause I'm a coward - a craven coward. | |
| RAVEN | Pardon? What did you say you were? | |
| ELIJAH | A craven coward. | |
| RAVEN | Thought you said "raven". I mean to say. Well, what happened then? | |
| ELIJAH | Well, if the Lord says do it - you do it! I went to King Ahab. I was a bit scared but I said to him - "There will be no more rain and no more dew until I say so." | |
| RAVEN | Caw! What did he say? | |
| ELIJAH | He said, "Good, let's book our holidays." | |
| RAVEN | Caw! The cheek! And then? | |
| ELIJAH | I didn't stay to find out. That King Ahab is a nasty piece of work. | |
| RAVEN | And that Queen Jezebel. | |
| Surprised. ELIJAH | How do you know? | |
| RAVEN | Oh ... a little bird told me. Anyway, how come you're here? | |
| ELIJAH | It's what the Lord said. "Go down to the Kerith Brook," he said. "Be faithful to the Lord and the Lord will provide." So here I am - sitting by the brook-side. | |
| Groans. RAVEN | Ooaah. | |
| ELIJAH | What are you groaning for? | |
| RAVEN | "Brookside" - it's enough to make anybody groan. | |
| ELIJAH | Still, I suppose it's not so bad here. It's better than Spain. | |
| RAVEN | Why's that then? | |
| ELIJAH | Well, at least you can drink the water. | |
| Looks puzzled. RAVEN | ||
| ELIJAH | Enough of my problems. You haven't explained what you're doing here. | |
| RAVEN | No? Well ... I was sitting around with a few of my mates ... when I gets this message in my mind - "Go down to the Kerith Brook." Anyway, I told my mates ... | |
| ELIJAH | What did they say? | |
| RAVEN | They thought I was a raven lunatic. | |
| ELIJAH | But you came? | |
| RAVEN | Yeah. Had to, really. I may be a raven but I'm no bird-brain. If the Lord says do it - you do it! So here I am, on a wing and a prayer, so to speak. | |
| Thinking aloud. ELIJAH | If the Lord says do it - you do it! Even if it does leave you feeling hunted and hungry. | |
| RAVEN | Hungry?! Did you say "hungry"? | |
| ELIJAH | I'm ravenous! | |
| RAVEN |
Say no more! It's here somewhere. |
|
| The RAVEN flaps around, searching under wings, etc. Raking out feathers, assortment of "bits & pieces" - perhaps an egg? - until, with a fanfare, the RAVEN produces some meat and some bread. | ||
| RAVEN |
Tarah! Be faithful to the Lord and the Lord will provide. Meat. Bread. It's for yoo-hoo! |
|
| Surprised. ELIJAH | That's fantastic. | |
| Modestly. RAVEN | Oh, it's nothing to crow about. | |
| Puzzling. ELIJAH | I wonder, what's the best way to eat this? | |
| RAVEN | Well, you could always invent the sandwich. | |
| ELIJAH | Good idea! I'll just put this piece of bread between these two pieces of meat ... | |
| Exits, flapping unenthusiastically. RAVEN | See you then ... must fly! Keep your pecker up! Flutter, flutter ... flutter, flutter. | |
| Over shoulder, to the audience. RAVEN | Could you do any better? | |
| - END - | ||