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The richest man in the kingdom |
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This sketch is suitable for an adult or younger audience. It was deliberately written so that it could be performed by a younger (or inexperienced) drama group - as there are a lot of small parts and hardly any demanding roles. The QUEEN has a non-speaking cameo role - and the part of the DOCTOR is undemanding.
SCENE ONE - A country road. Enter two yokels (country bumpkins)
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| YOKEL 1 | Cornish accents | Have you 'eard? |
| YOKEL 2 | Heard what? | |
| YOKEL 1 | What they're saying. | |
| YOKEL 2 | Saying where? | |
| YOKEL 1 | Down in the village. | |
| YOKEL 2 | Our village? | |
| YOKEL 1 | That's right. | |
| YOKEL 2 | No, what are they saying? | |
| YOKEL 1 | They do say that the richest man in the kingdom will die at midnight tonight. | |
| YOKEL 2 | Really? | |
| YOKEL 1 | Really. | |
| YOKEL 2 | How can they be sure? | |
| YOKEL 1 | They always are. | |
| YOKEL 2 | Reflective - stroking chin. | Ooo aarh. |
| YOKEL 1 | Mistaking it for a question. | The villagers. |
| YOKEL 2 | Puzzled. | Pardon? |
| YOKEL 1 | Granted. | |
| YOKEL 2 | The richest man in the kingdom, you say? | |
| YOKEL 1 | That's right. | |
| YOKEL 2 | Will die tonight? | |
| YOKEL 1 | That's right. | |
| YOKEL 2 | At midnight? | |
| YOKEL 1 | That's right. | |
| YOKEL 2 | Well, it won't be me, that's for sure. | |
| YOKEL 1 | Me neither. | |
| YOKEL 1 and YOKEL 2 walk off together, chuckling. | ||
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SCENE TWO - The King's palace. The KING and QUEEN are seated on thrones. SERVANTS scurry to obey their every command. |
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| KING | To SERVANT 1 | Bring me a grape! |
| SERVANT 1 | Hurrying to do so. | Yes, your majesty. |
| KING | Peel it for me! | |
| SERVANT 1 | Obeying. | Yes, your majesty. |
| KING | Well, eat it for me. | |
| SERVANT 1 | Looks puzzled. Shrugs. Eats grape. | Yes, your majesty. |
| SERVANT 2 | Running in. | Your majesty! Your majesty! Bad news! |
| KING | What?! Bad news? The prince hasn't crashed the royal carriage, has he? | |
| SERVANT 2 | No, your majesty. | |
| KING | Relieved. | Oh, good. |
| SERVANT 2 | It's worse than that. | |
| KING | Spluttering. | Don't tell me - he wants to marry a commoner! |
| SERVANT 2 | No, your majesty. Worse than that. | |
| KING | Worse?! | |
| SERVANT 2 | They do say, your majesty ... down in the village, your majesty ... that the richest man in the kingdom ... will die at midnight tonight. | |
| The QUEEN faints. SERVANTS hurry to attend her. | ||
| KING | Stunned. | The richest man ... in the kingdom ... midnight tonight ... oooh ... Call my advisers. |
| SERVANT 2 | Call the king's advisers. | |
| SERVANT 1 | Call the king's advisers. | |
| Offstage: "Call the king's advisers." .. "Call the king's advisers." The ADVISERS enter and stand in a huddle together. | ||
| KING | Dejected. To SERVANT 2 | Tell them. |
| SERVANT 2 | It has come to his majesty's attention - from the village - that the richest man in the kingdom will die at midnight tonight. | |
| ADVISERS | Altogether, in a huddle. | Oh dear ... terrible ... awful ... what a shame ... shocking ... |
| ADVISER 1 | Suddenly realising. | But, your majesty, that's you! |
| ADVISER 2 | That's right. | |
| ADVISER 3 | What are you going to do about it? | |
| KING | Idiots! That's what I've called you here for. You're my advisers. Advise me! | |
| The ADVISERS go into a murmuring huddle as they discuss the matter. | ||
| KING | Well? | |
| ADVISER 1 | We think you should make a will. | |
| KING | Hits ADVISER 1 on head with sceptre. | Think again, numbskulls. |
| The ADVISERS go into a murmuring huddle as they discuss the matter - again. | ||
| KING | Well? | |
| ADVISER 2 | There is one idea, your majesty ... If you were NOT the richest man in the kingdom then you wouldn't die at midnight tonight. | |
| KING | No ... but I AM! | |
| ADVISER 3 | Hesitantly. | Unless you were to .... give it away. |
| KING | Give it away!?? | |
| The QUEEN faints. SERVANTS hurry to attend her. | ||
| ADVISER | Yes, your majesty. After all, would you rather be alive and poor - or dead. | |
| KING | DEAD! ... No, poor ... No, dead ... I'd rather be ALIVE ... and RICH! | |
| ADVISER 2 | And so you shall be, your majesty. When we said "give away" we didn't mean "give away" so much as ... "give away". | |
| KING | Not understanding in the least. | Pardon? |
| ADVISER 2 | A royal pardon! Thank you, your majesty. | |
| KING | What are you on about? | |
| ADVISER 2 | Well, if your majesty were to give away his riches ... to "someone" ... then that "someone" would be the richest man in the kingdom ... and that "someone" would die at midnight tonight ... | |
| KING | With my money! | |
| The QUEEN faints. SERVANTS hurry to attend her. | ||
| ADVISER 2 | But, your majesty, he couldn't take it with him. So, tomorrow morning, you could go and collect it from "someone" ... and ... | |
| KING | Realising. | I'd still be the richest man in the kingdom ... and still alive! Brilliant! |
| ADVISER 2 | Thank-you, your majesty. | |
| KING | What time is it? | |
| ADVISER 3 | Six o'clock, your majesty. | |
| KING | Well ... Don't just stand there. Give it all away! | |
| The QUEEN faints. SERVANTS hurry to attend her. | ||
| ADVISER 1 | Who to, your majesty? | |
| KING | To this "someone" you keep going on about. | |
| ADVISER 1 | But which someone? | |
| KING | I don't know. Someone nobody will miss. Someone like ... Old George. | |
| All exit, congratulating one another. | ||
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SCENE THREE - The palace. Nearly midnight. The KING and QUEEN enter to sit on their thrones. The ADVISERS huddle nearby. A DOCTOR with a stethoscope is in constant attendance on the KING. The SERVANTS watch from a distance. |
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| KING | What time is it? | |
| ADVISER 1 | Five minutes to midnight, your majesty. | |
| KING | How am I? | |
| DOCTOR | Fine, fine, your majesty. | |
| KING | Has it all been seen to? | |
| ADVISER 2 | Yes, your majesty. Everything is under control. | |
| KING | What time is it? | |
| ADVISER 1 | Four minutes to midnight, your majesty. | |
| KING | To DOCTOR. Worried. | How am I? |
| DOCTOR | Fine, fine, your majesty. | |
| KING | You did give ALL of it away? | |
| ADVISER 2 | Yes, your majesty. Every last gold piece. | |
| KING | Do you think he suspected anything? | |
| ADVISER 2 | Who, your majesty? | |
| KING | Whispering. | Old George. |
| ADVISER 2 | No, your majesty, not a thing. | |
| KING | What time is it? | |
| ADVISER 1 | Two minutes to midnight, your majesty. | |
| KING | To DOCTOR. Very worried. | How am I? |
| DOCTOR | Fine, fine, your majesty. | |
| KING | He is definitely the richest man in the kingdom, isn't he? | |
| ADVISER 2 | Certainly, your majesty. | |
| KING | What time is it? | |
| ADVISER 1 | One minute to midnight, your majesty. | |
| KING | To DOCTOR. Panicking. | How am I? |
| DOCTOR | Fine, fine, your majesty. | |
| KING | You are sure? Everything's alright, isn't it? | |
| ADVISER 2 | Certainly, your majesty. | |
| KING | Weakly. | Oooh. What time is it? |
| A clock strikes BONG! BONG! etc. Everyone turns to look at the KING. The KING is horror-stricken. At the twelfth BONG the QUEEN faints. SERVANTS attend. As the KING realises he is alright, he resumes an air of bravado. The SERVANTS applaud. THE ADVISERS mop their brows in relief. | ||
| ADVISER | I suggest, your majesty, that we all get a good night's rest. | |
| KING | A jolly good idea. | |
| All exit. | ||
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SCENE FOUR - Outside Old George's cottage. A cock crows to indicate morning. The KING and QUEEN arrive, attended by SERVANTS. The ADVISERS fuss behind. The KING, once more his usual commanding self, strides to the door of the cottage and knocks. There is no answer. The KING knocks again. |
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| KING | Gradually realising. | He doesn't appear to be ..... Oh! |
| ADVISER 3 | Opening the door and going inside. | Allow me, your majesty. |
| A moment or two passes. ADVISER 3 comes out and hastily confers with ADVISER 1 and ADVISER 2. They all go inside. After a moment or two they all come out again. | ||
| KING | Well? | |
| ADVISER 1 | It's not there your majesty. | |
| KING | But it must be. You did deliver it? | |
| ADVISER 2 | Yes, your majesty. | |
| KING | This is the right cottage? | |
| ADVISER 3 | Yes, your majesty. | |
| KING | Going into the cottage to look for himself. | Stand aside. |
| YOKEL 1 and YOKEL 2 come onstage and watch with interest. | ||
| KING | Coming out, dazed and unbelieving. | It's not there ... no treasure ... no gold ... no silver ... no jewels ... just ... his body. |
| The QUEEN faints. SERVANTS hurry to attend her. | ||
| YOKEL 1 | What you lost then? | |
| KING | Groaning. | My money. All my lovely treasure. |
| YOKEL 2 | Was it in five big sacks? | |
| KING | Hopeful. | Yes! |
| YOKEL 1 | And was they tied up with red string? | |
| KING | Excited. | Yes! |
| YOKEL 2 | And was they full of gold and silver and jewels and things? | |
| KING | Ecstatic. | Yes! |
| YOKEl 1 & YOKEL 2 | Looking at each other knowingly. | Aaarh! |
| KING | What do you mean, "Aaarh"? Do you know where it is? | |
| YOKEL 1 | Yes, I've got it ... Well, a tiny bit of it. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And me ...well, a bit. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Albert. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Betty. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Charlie. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Davey. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Ethel. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Fred. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Ginger. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Harold. | |
| KING | Stop! Stop! What is going on? | |
| YOKEL 1 | Confidentially. | Well, you see, last night, I was tucked up in my bed all warm and snug-like, when I hears this knock on the door and it's Old George. |
| YOKEL 2 | That's right. He come to me, too. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Albert. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Betty. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Charlie. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Davey. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Ethel. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Fred. | |
| KING | Impatient. | Yes, yes. Get on with it. |
| YOKEL 1 | Well, Old George comes inside and he tells me he's come into a bit of money rather sudden ... and he wants to share his good fortune. So will I be so good as to accept a bit of it? | |
| YOKEL 2 | That's right. That's what he said to me. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Albert. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Betty. | |
| YOKEL 1 | And Charlie. | |
| YOKEL 2 | And Davey. | |
| KING | Oh no! He's given it all away. | |
| The QUEEN faints. SERVANTS hurry to attend her. | ||
| KING | Begins to weep - then realises. | But ... wait a minute ... he couldn't. The richest man in the kingdom! The prophecy said "the richest man in the kingdom" would die at midnight. But, if he'd given all my money away - then he couldn't be. |
| YOKEL 1 | Reflective. | Oh, I don't know. Old George always used to say to me - "I reckon I'm the richest man in the kingdom. I haven't got a lot," he would say, "but I've got a roof over my head, food for my belly, and I'm at peace with the Lord." |
| YOKEL 2 | "I reckon I'm the richest man in the kingdom," he used to say. And do you know what...? | |
| EVERYBODY | What? | |
| YOKEL 2 | I reckon he was right! | |
| The QUEEN faints. Nobody can be bothered with her. Exit all. | ||
| - END - | ||