Away with the manger

This sketch is particularly suited to the Christmas season, pointing out how the central character of the nativity is often relegated to a merely supporting role. The two speaking parts (ISAACS and BAILEY) represent the popular media. The sketch is suitable for a teenage / adult audience. Care should be taken to ensure that the audience is not expecting to see a traditional nativity play, as they may be led to believe by the opening scene.

Only two speaking parts have been scripted, so as to allow the smallest of drama groups to feel they can attempt this sketch. Supporting cast need little acting experience and can be co-opted for the occasion. The rhyming is important - and not as easy as it may at first appear.

SCENE: Mary and Joseph, seated on straw bales, watch over the baby Jesus. The baby is amidst straw in a free-standing box-like manger. Little other scenery except to create "typical nativity effect".

COSTUME: As for nativity scene - except ISAACS and BAILEY are in modern garb; the former with a notepad, the latter strewn with cameras and associated paraphernalia.

ISAACS	To the audience as much as to Mary and Joseph	Good evening, I'm Isaacs
BAILEY	To the audience as much as to Mary and Joseph	How d'you do? The name's Bailey
ISAACS		From your local newspaper -
BAILEY		"The Daily Israeli"
ISAACS	As if quoting publicity blurb	"The people's parchment ...
BAILEY	Taking up the quotation	with all of the news ...
ISAACS		for all of the people."
BAILEY	Aside	That's "all of the Jews."
ISAACS		We heard half a rumour and wondered if maybe ... we could make it a story?
BAILEY		With shots of the baby.
ISAACS		Might make the stop-press, we could give it a spin ...
BAILEY	Suggesting a headline	"Late, late arrival out at the inn."
ISAACS		A heading,
BAILEY		A picture, with your permission,
ISAACS	Suggesting alternative headline	"Mother and baby in stable condition."
BAILEY	Ushers Mary and Joseph to side of stage	So let's keep it simple; just the kid in the shot.
ISAACS		"The babe in the manger." They'll love it ... a lot!
BAILEY	Moves to the manger to prepare for the shot	Who's a coochy-coochy-coo?
ISAACS	To Mary	Can you get it to smile?
BAILEY	Hesitates over name	Maybe...
ISAACS	Glancing at notepad	Mary
BAILEY		... the mother, could sit with the child?
ISAACS	To Mary, being helpful	Look loving,
BAILEY	Looking through view-finder, fiddling with camera	Look homely ...Look down a bit
ISAACS	To Mary.. then to Bailey	To the right. Is that any better?
BAILEY		Yeah ... except for the light.
ISAACS	Noticing Joseph	What about you?
BAILEY		Who?
ISAACS	Joseph is mildly surprised but just as compliant as Mary.	Joseph, the dad
BAILEY	Joseph is mildly surprised but just as compliant as Mary.	Stand there behind ...
ISAACS	Reminding him again.	Mary!
BAILEY		Look down at the lad. Now put your arm gently around your wife's shoulder.
ISAACS	As Isaacs helps position Joseph, he notices the ox.	Silent but strong - that's how you'll come over, like the ox at the back
BAILEY		Hey! We must have that creature!
ISAACS		But it's covered in muck!
BAILEY		So ... we'll make it a feature.
ISAACS		Could we not clean it up?
BAILEY	In disbelief	You mean, just for one shot?
ISAACS		I'd feel a lot happier.
BAILEY	Conceding	I don't see why not.
ISAACS		Hey! There's even a donkey back here on the ground!
BAILEY		Could you pull it in closer?
ISAACS	Sarcastic	D'you want the ox to look round?
BAILEY		Looks better all the time ...
	A few tentative shepherds enter.
ISAACS		It's certainly fuller.
BAILEY		What it needs now is a touch of local colour
ISAACS	To the shepherds	Hey! What about you guys?
BAILEY	Enthusiastic	Bring the sheep, too!
ISAACS		Though it's getting to look a bit like a zoo.
BAILEY	Directing shepherds	Crouch on the floor there.
ISAACS		Mind that ox-muck! Never mind.
BAILEY	Resenting the interruption	Just stay kneeling right there.
ISAACS		Out of sight, out of mind.
	Things now begin to get a little out of hand as more and more people come onstage to be included in the shot. The pace gradually quickens.
BAILEY		That's everybody in ...
ISAACS		Except these three kings. The gifts and the robe, the crowns and the rings would just add some glamour ...
BAILEY	With abandon	Squeeze in at the side!
ISAACS	A little more cautious	But could you perhaps leave the camel outside?
BAILEY		Hey, Isaacs! Look up! What is it? A ghost?!
ISAACS		You fool! It's an angel ... and a heavenly host.
BAILEY	To angel	Excuse me, er ... sir, could you stay there and hover? A little to the right, if it's not too much bother.
ISAACS	Some children enter, dressed in carol-singing garb, complete with old-time lanterns, etc.	' Course, we gotta have children ...
BAILEY		Singing carols ...
ISAACS		Lamps bobbing ...
BAILEY	Enter Santa	And Santa ...
ISAACS		And reindeer ...
BAILEY	Assembled company all launch handfuls of "snow" into the air.	Some snow ...
ISAACS		And a robin.
	It may be possible to rig up a slightly larger-than-life plastic robin in flight - or something equally incongruous. Mary and Joseph are a little overwhelmed by it all, as are the kings and shepherds. The children are all keen to have their picture taken. Santa is ho-ho-ho-ing. General confusion. Mary and Joseph almost hidden. The manger is still forward and central.
BAILEY		Look, I know I'm a nuisance, but it's masking the ox, Could somebody shift that dirty old box?
ISAACS	Explaining ...	Yeah, in the middle of the scene it's a bit of a danger
BAILEY		A fire risk!
ISAACS		A hazard!
BOTH		Away with the manger!
	Two shepherds dutifully remove the manger to the side of the stage. There is a brief pause.
BAILEY	Looking through view-finder.	Good.
ISAACS	To crowd, knowingly.	Relax for a second.
BAIL		Be there in a while ... Now... closer together ... and, all at once ...
BOTH		Smile!
	The camera-flash goes off. No movement. No noise. A pause. The baby cries. All heads turn to look at the manger and the child. Realisation.
- END -